Life, Writing

A Letter To Football

Dear Football,

I have a few things that need to be said. See, you and I don’t really get along. You might say that we’re frenemies. So just take a seat for a moment and listen up.

First, I don’t think I should say you’re completely unlikable. I enjoy the community you bring to my little town and hearing the cheers from the high school behind my house on Friday nights. I enjoy all the delicious snacks people think up that are inspired by you. But to be honest, those are about the only things I can say I like about you. Two things that, while they’re nice, I could even do without.

Getting down to business, you’re really quite rude. Fall is my favorite season but what should be a time of bonfires and game nights with friends around the table, you take all their attention for yourself. Sunday afternoons are devoted to you. All parties thrown from September to February are usually centered around you. You dominate the conversation at almost every gathering and you make it into way too many Facebook posts. Oh and why must you always plan your big night out so close to my birthday? I’m kinda done sharing parties with you. Being an attention hog is not very nice manners.

Also, did you know that you are extremely influential? You get them addicted to you, always checking their phones and participating in competitions to win you. But you don’t tell them how easily you can make them angry and disappointed… or excited and happy. You choose to be hot and cold and unpredictable, just like Katy Perry’s song. No one likes a tease.

Football, I don’t like the games you play and I think I can safely say that I never will. Do me a favor and move out of the country.


(Image via abbxc)

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